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Take this conversation that I just overheard in a McDonald’s off I-80:

Redneck A: I’m telling you, if we wanna solve the problems in the Middle East, we gotta go into places like Eye-ran and Afghaineestan and start educatin’ the wimminfolk!

Redneck B: We’re already doin’ that.

Redneck A: Yeah, but we’re only doing it this much [holds fingers about an inch apart], and we gotta be doin’ it this much [holds hands apart at arm’s length].

Redneck B: You got that right.

Yes, Redneck A really pronounced Iran and Afghanistan like that, and he really said educatin’ and wimminfolk.

That’s not the point.

The point is, here are two rednecks of apparently no prior acquaintance, discussing the Middle East loudly in an interstate rest stop, and they have keyed in on the lack of education of women in that part of the world as being part of the problem there.

Sadly, I have no idea what they were talking about prior to the snippet above, because I have a regionalist tendency to block out redneck accents when they start talking politics, on the unfair assumption that I’m not going to like what they have to say. A tendency that it all the more unfair when one considers I grew up in a Republican stronghold in Southern California, where people who pronounce words the same way I do still say all sorts of things I disagree with.

What can I say? I’m working on it. This conversation was a great reminder that I can hear useful things from all sorts of sources.

I know the odds of either Redneck A or Redneck B ever reading this are miniscule, but wherever you are, guys, I’m going to have a smile on my face all day because of you.


There are a lot of men who want to tell women what we can and can’t do with our bodies. Sadly, many of those men can be found in the Senate and the House of Representatives in D.C., and in state legislatures all across the country.

Speaking as a random sample of the female of the species, let me just say this: back the fuck off, gentlemen.

And I mean that in the most literal sense of the word. Don’t want to provide funding for Planned Parenthood? Fine. But don’t think you’ll be getting any in the foreseeable future.

Of course, if I’m being honest, none of the gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) in question would have had a shot with me anyway. But presumably they have women in their lives, or would like to. Though they also, for the most part, seem to be a bunch of homophobic bastards in public, kind of causing one to wonder if they’re hiding a male lover or twenty in the closet.

But I digress.

If you’re the kind of woman who ordinarily would be dating, marrying, or otherwise having sex with one of the men who is supporting cutting funding for women’s health services, here is your big opportunity to strike a blow on behalf of low-income women everywhere.

And all you have to do is, well, stop doing it.

At least stop doing it with the sort of men who want to cut funding for women’s health care.

Hell, you probably won’t even be giving up all that much. The uptight moralizing bastards probably aren’t any good in the sack anyway. I don’t speak from personal experience, mind you, but I’m guessing we’re talking strictly missionary with the lights off.

Lie back and think of England, sweetheart, it’ll be over quickly.

And if you can’t imagine giving up sex for any prolonged period of time, well, it’s not as if there aren’t alternatives.

Not comfortable with indulging those bi-curious impulses? Well, let’s just say diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, sisters.

The word is vibrator.

And if you simply must have a partner of the male persuasion present to get your freak on, well, there’s a whole lot of guys out there who do support adequate funding for women’s health care (and a woman’s right to choose when and if she wants to have a baby).

They’re called liberals.

Mark my words, though, a few weeks or months without the pussy, and we’ll be hearing a change in tune in state and federal legislatures across the country.

Either that, or be witness to the largest Republican “coming out” party in history. Which would itself be a Very Good Thing. Maybe then our LGBT friends would finally get the same rights and protections straight people enjoy.

Major h/t to Crooks and Liars for the video link.

jane doe

P.S. Hell, as long as we’re at it, why stop with funding for Planned Parenthood? Let’s demand equal pay for equal work, adequate funding for childcare for low-income working women, and mandatory insurance coverage for the pill and other forms of birth control. And state-subsidized chocolate for when we’re PMSing.

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janedoe.tcm [at] or follow me on Twitter: @janedoe_tcm
August 2020