Okay, this is too funny. Some genius named Kathryn Jean Lopez over at the National Review Online (which I don’t ordinarily read because I wouldn’t want to damage my computer monitor by spewing coffee or orange juice all over it in response to some of the ridiculous things they publish) had the brilliant idea that our alleged president could while away his post-White House years teaching high school civics classes:

Wouldn’t George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn’t it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? How’s that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them. Whatever you think of President Bush, he’s a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.

I hardly even know where to start with this one. It’s just too easy. I mean, first of all, hasn’t George Bush done enough damage to our public schools, what with No Child Left Behind (which is really just a first step in the neocon plan to privatize public education anyway)? Haven’t the poor kids suffered enough already?

Plus, I’m sorry, but that man is in no way qualified to teach. Teachers have to be able to speak in complete sentences, for one thing, and his ability to garble his native language is legendary. And what would he use as a textbook? I’m pretty sure Cliff’s Notes doesn’t publish a guide to U.S. government.

More importantly, he is not tempramentally suited for the job. We’re talking about high school students here, not House Speakers – they’d eat him for breakfast! Throw a smart-ass honors student or someone from the school debate team into the mix, and they’d have him reduced to a quivering mound of inarticulate green Jell-O before he got through roll call.

No, I’m sorry, but Bush should stick to the things he knows best: running healthy, functioning organizations into the ground.

Maybe he can land a job at Halliburton. I’m sure Dick Cheney would put in a good word for him…

jane doe