On the theory that the President’s speech on the Iraq war tomorrow can only be made palatable by the consumption of massive amounts of alcohol, I offer the following drinking game to you, my non-existent readers:

  • Any time the President says the word surge, take a drink.
  • When he says the words sacrifice, escalation, or victory, take a drink.
  • If he says a new way forward, take a drink.
  • If he says cut and run, take two drinks.
  • If he smirks, take a drink.
  • If he lies, take a drink.
  • When he mentions the Iraq study group and/or their report, take a drink.
  • If he uses the words bipartisan or bipartisanship, laugh maniacally and take a big drink.
  • If he actually says the words civil war, slam your drink.
  • Drink whenever he mentions terrorists, insurgents, or Islamofascists.
  • If he talks about making America safer, take a drink.
  • If he mentions 9/11, weapons of mass destruction, or the amorphous war on terror, drink. Heavily.
  • Any time the camera cuts to someone in the audience who is wincing or grimacing in reaction to something the President has just said, take a drink.
  • If he mentions Iran, take a big drink.
  • If the audience actually boos in response to any statement, slam your drink.
  • If he tries to blame anything on the media, take a drink.
  • If he tries to blame anything on the Democrats, take a drink.
  • If he mentions Vietnam, take a drink.
  • If he raises the possibility of reinstituting the draft, drink all the alcohol in your home. If necessary, have a sober friend go out and acquire more alcohol for you, and drink that, too.

Hopefully, by the end of the speech, you will be too drunk to think about how many more people will die in the coming months as a result of the President’s plan for Iraq.

jane doe

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